Ten Things That Turn Me Off

Before I get to the list, let me mention that I have a blogger template I'll be giving away just as soon as I find someone to give it to -- the mockup is very girlie and would most appeal to a female baker, as there is a woman carrying cupcakes in the graphic. If you'd like to know more, email me for the mockup link. Blogger.com blogs only.

Right; in keeping with my pursuit of eventually having a 100 things About Me list, I've decided to include 10 things which turn me off, as they relate to the opposite sex. Some of these will sound stupid or silly but that's just how it is. I don't mean to be ridiculous, I just know myself that well. So here we are -- please note they are in no particular order. Also note that I'm not addressing the big things like confidence, etc. because those things should go without saying.

1. Bony feet and/or gorilla toes.

I have had a thing about feet for as long as I can recall -- they freak me out. No idea why. Pretty piggies are fine; anything else truly makes me gag. And it's not just that; I don't want to feel your freaky feet brush up against me in bed, either. Bony feet freak me out and so do gorilla toes -- you know, when the middle toes are way, way longer than the big toe? Yech, I hate even writing the words big toe!

2. Metrosexuals.

Where the fuck have all the real men gone? Honestly, I'm more manly than most of the guys I've met in Europe. There were loads of real men in Texas (am not a Texan, btw) and I could kick myself for ignoring them the entire time I lived there. Now that I have only Metro Eurotrash to choose from, I fully appreciate the well that has long since run dry. Occasionally, I meet a masculine Brit; but the Germans and French (etc) are girlie enough to have Barbie dolls named after them.

3. Heavy accents / bad grammar

These don't necessarily go together, obviously. Heavy accents include any accent imaginable, particularly those which make a person sound like an idiot. For example, if you have a strong Bklyn accent, you sound ignorant. Same with a Rocky (Philly) accent, or Cockney accent, etc. I spent a lot of time mainstreaming my own Bklyn accent, and you will not hear it today, apart from when I say things like New York or car (unless I'm really pissed off at you, in which case I will sound like Tony Soprano) and only then because I feel like a redneck otherwise. Grammar is an issue, too: Please don't think I'm going to fall in love with you if you say things like, "She not goin' to speak no proper English for no stupid reason."

4. Fish lips.

I love lips, and most lips will do nicely. But there is one shape which I have noticed over the years that makes me stare -- and not in a good way. There's an arch to the upper lip that just doesn't look human to me. Imagine those wax lips turned upside down. And it's not necessarily obvious either; I once had a crush on someone without realizing they had this fish lip thing going on. And that was the end of my crush. I can't get into fish lips, sorry.

5. Racism.

Looking 100% white as I do, I've grown up hearing loads of arseholes run off at the mouth about how Middle Eastern people and/or Muslims are this or that. And then when they realize I'm half Middle Eastern, I get this line, "Oh... but you're different. You're white. And you're not wearing a sheet." Don't be a cunt.

6. Skinny thighs and narrow hips.

I can't cope with a man having skinnier thighs or narrow hips; makes me feel like I'm shagging a woman. Most men have average-sized thighs, but some men have nice big thighs that make their jeans just a tad snug. Love that. You see it in rodeo cowboys and firemen a lot. Yumm.

7. Waffling.

A man who can't make his mind up on the spot is very, very annoying. And no, I'm not talking about making your mind up about whether or not you want to, say, marry someone -- but if you can't think on your feet and exercise good judgment in the blink of an eye, you are not date worthy!

8. Ear gunk.

Few things will make me vomit more quickly than seeing a man with ear gunk, whether it's inside or outside. Amazing how many men seem to suck at cleaning them properly.

9. Bad table manners.

If you don't know how to eat properly, this is a turn-off. If you don't know how to eat with your fork in the left hand, please learn before you take me out to dinner.

10. White tongue.

If you've brushed your teeth well, you've also brushed your tongue. If you've got a white or yellow tongue, you either don't brush well, or you've had your tongue somewhere it shouldn't have been, and I don't want that thing near me, thank you.


What things turn you off in the opposite sex?

xx Isabella