What's a Reasonable Coochie/Cock Count?
Keeping in theme with the last post, I'd now like to know the max number of sexual partners you'd be able to tolerate in a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. We all know women are going to lie to keep from looking like the whores we are, but what about men? I can see how it might be a turn-off to hear that your future wife shagged 45 men before you; but does this bother women, as well?
Frankly, for me, yeah; it does.
A man who has slept with 50 women has zero self-control, as far as I'm concerned; which is never, ever sexy. That, and he's probably a skank, as well. (Can you say STDs?) I've known men who claim to have fucked loads of women like this and it always makes me sick. Are you guys totally ruled by the cock, or what? If yes, you're not man enough. If no, eh, there's bound to be something wrong with you, so piss off anyway.
I've heard men say that if a woman needs both hands to count how many men she's slept with, she's not fit for marriage. I've also heard men say that if you can't count the number of men on both hands, she's not experienced enough for marriage (as in, she'll want to keep exploring and therefore possibly cheat). The latter is an interesting theory, but I think it probably applies more to men than women -- which is likely why I've only heard men discuss it.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying I'd want to date a virgin -- that's just too much work for someone who prefers a man know what he's doing from the start. Personally, IMHO, five, ten, or fifteen sounds like a reasonable coochie count for a 35 year old guy. I'm guessing most men would reduce that number significantly for women, even if they didn't want to admit it.
What numbers seem reasonable to you? Is there a number that would turn you off?
xx Isabella
22 Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest:
Who are these blokes with a 50 coochie count? I'd like to shake their hands!
Personally, I reckon 10 would be the max I could comfortably hear.
GM
10 sounds like a reasonable cock count. ;-)
I find this an interesting topic.
In theory - in these enlightened times - it shouldn't matter. Life is about making a connection with people and many factors can play a role in the number of partners we end up having.
Previous long term relationships (should) cut down the number of partners but it doesn't mean they are any more marriage-worthy than a guy/girl who has simply failed to find the right person.
That said, a large number of partners (more than 20, depending on the person's age) does still bother me and I rather wish it wouldn't.
Is it the (wholly assumed) propensity to cheat we worry about? The wider experience/comparisons they can make? I don't know.
Personally I think it would be great if we could just get over it. Finding a great partner is hard enough without complicating things further with statistics.
I'll jump right in here, so to speak. At my age(very early 40s), you come to the realization that you have not been the same person your whole life. Attitudes and morals change as you mature. When you are dating someone, in my opinion, you are not dating the person that they were 10, 20 or more years ago, you are dating who they are now. If they are a slut now, of course, then they are not marriage, or for that matter, dating or shagging material, and I would hope that would become evident before marriage become a subject of discussion.
Personally I do not expect to know how many partners they have had during their life. If they want to share that, then fine, but even in marriage there are some things that do not need to be shared. If 20 years ago, a girl I was dating got drunk at a party and blew 10 guys, would that make here a bad person? I personally don't think so. I have done dumb things in my life, but I would like to consider it a learning process and move on better for the experience.
To me, the criteria would not be a number, it would be how the person (girl in my case) presented and took care of herself. If she needed two hands to count her recent partners, that would be an issue, but at my age, I, and girls my age, have lived a lot of life, and I am not going to judge them on who they have been, but who they are.
I'm not at all that concerned about how many women my husband had before me, as long as I'm the last. (He's never asked my count and I've never asked his.)
In fact, I'll go as far as to say I'm appreciative of those he practiced on before me.
I'm the one getting the benefit of his experience.
Gordon -- Personally, I don't worry about the propensity to cheat; it's the lack of self-control that bothers me. If you're 30 and have been with 50 women, you've got none. Most women could easily rack up 100 partners by 20 -- but we don't, unless we're in the business. We'd like to be proper whores at times but we stop ourselves -- I'd like a man with a similar capability. That's my take, anyway.
Kevin - I understand what you're saying, but I think you're talking about people who've really changed, whereas I'm thinking more of people who are the same. It's true, we evolve regardless, but IME I've found that once a slut, always a slut. :) I don't think a girl who gave 10 BJs at a party would be a bad person, but I would think her seriously under-evolved as a person, with little or no self-confidence or respect. As I said to Gordon this is more a self-control issue -- if I can do it, why can't men? There again, that's just my opinion and clearly others have their own. I am surprised that it would matter if she slept with 10 guys recently though? Surely it must matter then?
Corinne - LOL, well said. Men always ALWAYS ask me. At first it was because being a singer they thought I'd slept with all the guys who hit on me at gigs -- I thought that annoying, but it's nothing compared to how curious men became once I started publishing erotic fiction and sex columns. ;-)
I don't care at all. I grew up in a city where people had a lot of sex and casual hook ups were perfectly ok. When I moved to the U.S., I was shocked to learn that this was not considered "normal". Truthfully, I'm relieved my husband's been with his share of women. At least it makes us somewhat equal. :) As for how he feels about my past? He doesn't care at all. Not even remotely concerned.
Jill,
Exactly, that is one of the problems about this hypocritical puritanically based society that sees sex as something so sacred as to be done only between a married man and woman. I would think that there is a good chance you are from a society that is not so freaked out by a woman’s naked breast in public that the very idea causes people to riot in the streets. I could go on and on about the ridiculousness of some of our societal stigmas we place on the human body and sex, but in sticking with the original point, to me, sex is fun and when done safely is just another activity two people can share if they are comfortable with it. It does not have to be the “be all end all” our society makes it out to be.
By the way, I was married for over 10 years and never once did I stray. There is something to be said for commitment and monogamy, but if you are single and safe, why should you feel bad about engaging in a fun, sensual, and mutually satisfying (hopefully) experience?
42!
Oh, wait - wrong question.
How about this - two or three per year, counting from adulthood? That means a 30 yo is looking at anywhere from 15 to 30 partners.
Of course, it means that I'd be allowed up to 90 by now. Damn, I wish!
Possible medical reasons aside, I don't see why it matters. X is too many, says to me that there *may* be some confidence issues on the part of one or both partners. Of course there *may* be self-control issues too, the point is that neither of these might be the case, that's the problem with broad generalization. Personally I couldn't care less about how many sex partners anyone has had.
Jilly - Well we already know you're a sexually liberated Canadian, LOL! Depending on where you are in the US there are sexually liberated cities, too; some of them even in the South!
Kevin - Hold up. Ain't nobody in their right mind who would call me puritanical and the question didn't have anything to do with being married. At all. I'm not freaked out by sex -- in fact, few men can handle the type of sex I need. This doesn't mean I can't have the opinion that a man who has fucked 30 women in one year is someone I wouldn't touch with someone else's hands.
Tom - LOL. I did say something similar in one of these replies. ;-)
Shadow -- It matters because it conveys a great deal about a person. Women who fuck 10 guys a month are not sexually liberated women trying to have fun -- they are insecure females who are desperate for approval and attention. Men who do the same are not studly, but rather trying to tally up a personal best. Honestly, it's so difficult to find even ONE man worth my time in bed that I can't imagine wasting it on a regular basis. I am not fond of disappointment, and this has a great deal to do with my own "cock count".
If more men knew what they were doing, it would be considerably higher, no doubt.
That, and anyone who has ever had sex with someone they've had good chemistry/a connection with knows that any other type of sex sucks in comparison. As I've said, I'm not one to waste my time, so I see nothing wrong with having a smallish count. It's got nothing to do with Puritans or other silliness.
But I do like a man with self-control and if he's able to turn down pussy -- particularly if it's often offered -- he is far more attractive than the moron who only thinks with his cock.
Okskesk: That's exactly how I feel. I am in a monogamous relationship and would never even consider straying. When I was single, I felt like it was perfectly fine (and part of experiencing life) to have intimate experiences with people I felt a certain chemistry/connection with.
What I find interesting is that people here talk about "self-control". I don't understand why this is something one needs to control in the first place. The fact that people view it that way means that there must be something they think is wrong with it. Hmmm...
I live in New York now and I still think it's much more conservative than Montreal.
Isa: When you say: "Women who fuck 10 guys a month are not sexually liberated women trying to have fun -- they are insecure females who are desperate for approval and attention" do you actually believe that or are you commenting on how society views this? Of course, there are women who have sex because they're insecure but there are others who are just plain sexually liberated (then again, 10 a month is a bit extreme! lol)
As long as she'd never been a pro, I'd be ok with whatever the number was. :D
Jilly -- Perhaps you should have addressed the "interesting" remark to me, since I'm the one talking about self-control as it relates to sex?
Yes, I meant it as something which I myself think. I've known plenty of women who've fucked any cock that presented itself; but I've yet to meet one who did so and didn't have psychological issues.
My opinions have nothing to do with religion or society; they are simply my views. I prefer to know something about a man before I fuck him, and you can't know jack about someone you've just met. Being someone with a degree in infectious diseases, I am, perhaps, more discerning in this respect than most.
Anon - Welcome and thanks for the comment. :)
Actually, in my own experience - which is in no way statistically significant - I'd have to agree that the women I've met who had a very high number of partners (50+) also had some, er, personality quirks that indicated they might be a bit insecure.
I will say, too, that I've turned down women with whom I did not think it would work out well. But in fairness, I found it easier to turn down women when I had a FWB or a fairly regular partner.
Sometime general horniness overrules self-control.
I think a few people mentioned self control (I wasn't trying to indirectly address you and pretend like I wasn't---I'm way too obnoxious for that! lol).
I guess I've never had the urge to have sex with any cock that presents itself so I don't really need self-control for that. What I was getting as is having to stop yourself from having sex with someone you're genuinely into (whether it's based on their personality, chemistry...). That's where I am questioning why one would need self-control.
I've never been one to say, "nice to meet you, you have a penis, let's go home". I'm just saying I think a lot of women really like a guy and want to have sex with him but stop themselves because they're too considered with the stigma. That's lame, as far as I'm concerned.
Geez...perhaps I should have edited that before I published it? lol. Guess sex on the brain causes my typing to run acock---ooops...I meant amock! ;)
Tom - Yeah, that's my perception of women who have that many cocks in their count. ;-)
Jilly - I think I'm the only one saying self-control is a real issue in terms of how I perceive this. I think everyone else who mentioned it was, essentially, disagreeing with me.
I'm not talking about women who sexually repress themselves over religion or societal interpretations of sexuality. I'm talking about party girls who always go home with someone, or men who do the same. Or women who have sex on the first date more often than not.
I mean, there is such a thing as a whore, both with men and women and I personally find neither attractive. Having sex with someone you've just met because the attraction is that good is fine -- it's also quite uncommon and almost never results in sex worth remembering. Those who think it does, were probably drunk.
If I want to seduce a man, I have no problem propositioning him. I have no problem stating upfront that I'm only interested in sex. I have no problem with other people who do this, either. I have a problem with the idea of doing it indiscriminately, especially if on a regular basis, as it suggests a number of psychological issues.
I've been with a woman who had 4 before me and a woman who had 100+ before me. I could care less.
Though as a swingers, my wife and I deviate from the norm as far as numbers are concerned- both our actual numbers and our views as to what is "reasonable".
As long as your partner doesn't care (or want to know, for that matter), why should anyone else?
It's quite simple. If you can't handle the answer don't ask the question. You probably have an idea of the number in your head anyhow.
Just noticed your Blog through Hubs and decided to have a nosey. I wouldnt want a girl who had shagged half the town, great blog girl and you have a new fan x
As with Hubman above, my first marriage was open and swinging. One a week, some of course repeats, was the norm. We belonged to a club of about 30 couples and had a regular couple we both knew from college. Neither of us still does swing and it had nothing to do with the seperation/divorce.
Of course in the 60s-70s STDs were not the fear they are today, her getting pregnant was.
I've been with my wife almost 30 years and have been with no woman or man since the day I met her, and yes we screwed on our first date. I've no doubt of her fidelity either.
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